Let Us Pretend
by Chibi Pyralspite
Summary: For a little while at least, they would pretend to get better. If they could pretend, then one day no one would have to worry.


A/n: Eating disorders and suicide talk. Warning you now :]

**Let Us Pretend**

His fingers wrapped around his wrist as he stood there, waiting for someone to barge into his bedroom to ask if he's eaten, to check his laptop to delete his pictures, goals and activity on _those _websites. He frowns as he walks away from his mirror and grabs his laptop only to shove it away in an old messenger bag he had stopped using because his neck couldn't support the weight. Going to his closet he pushes in an outfit or two he had planned out and slips on a pair of knee high boots before grabbing a jacket and leaving the bedroom.

There was his brother, staring at him the moment he left his room. Heading in the same direction he had been going. They exchanged few words as their feet made it down the stairs and into the dark hallway. Kurt was still steps behind him, catching his breath because it was becoming a problem to walk. It took away the little energy he had within himself.

But he wasn't going to eat just because he was tired, drained, hungry.

There was the _h_ word.

He was so hungry his stomach growled so loudly he was embarrassed, embarrassed that he was losing against the hunger.

"Where are you going?" Finn came back out into the hallway with a glass of milk, only to see his brother still on the stairs. His fingers clenching tightly against the banister.

"Out. I don't want to be here when my dad gets back." He walked down the few steps he had left.

"Why?"

"He'll just ask me the same things he's asked me everyday. How was therapy, what have you eaten, have you gained any weight?" He adjusted his bag over his shoulder, feeling the material dig into his skin.

"We're just trying to help. Drink this." He handed the milk to his brother only to see him frown.

"You're just trying to make me fat." Kurt reached out for the glass, hand shaking as his fingers gripped around it and he brought it towards his chest.

"No we're not." Finn sighed. "We just don't want you to die."

"That's the same thing she says to me everyday. I could die if I keep doing this. Well, I haven't died yet." He drank from the cup, the milk was vegan but—in his mind he knew he was going to gain weight from drinking it—it was better than eating food. They couldn't make him eat.

"When are you coming back?"

"I don't know. I'll be at school and I'll go therapy. That's all that matters, right?"

"And eat something. I want you to eat something before you leave."

Kurt handed Finn back the glass. "No. You can't make me."

* * *

><p>When he made it to his destination his hands were shaking and he could feel the cold swell up in his spine. Some nights he would get like this; his body wouldn't get warm for anyone. Some mornings he even found himself like this and it would cause himself to wear layers upon layers of clothing. It only made him feel fatter though and that disappointed him.<p>

His hand pulled on the straps of his bag and he left his car with the same frown he had whenever he was in discomfort with his body. When he felt like his fat was leaving and bones were stretching out his skin. Kurt couldn't explain it exactly but the people on _those _sites understood him. They understood the showing of his new bones that he was never skinny enough to show before. They even understood that whenever he posted he was upset with himself for failing his family. Therapy wasn't going to make him eat, going to impatient wasn't going to make him get better. He was eighteen now, they couldn't do anything anymore.

Walking up the front door he let himself in with a blue key in his pocket and headed into the house. It was cold inside just like it was outside without the hail and ice on the grounds.

He stepped around the banister and began to walk up his enemy again. The two sets of stairs inside of this house. His feet moved up them slowly and within a few minutes he found himself now walking down the small hallway he felt too fat to make it down. He knew if he gained a pound or two he wouldn't be able to fit. His sides wouldn't have made it up the stairs.

"Hey." A voice spoke as Kurt entered into an opened bedroom and placed his bag down next to the bed.

"What were you doing?"

"What do you think." He rolled his eyes with a smile as he laid down on his bed and the other joined him after shutting the door.

"How do you feel?" The others hands pulled against Kurt's small waist that was beginning to feel like pure bones.

"I feel like a failure. Constantly."

"I read your post on the site this morning."

"Did you like it?"

"I did. It gave me some motivation this morning. My mom thinks your a bad influence on me. I wouldn't understand how."

"I think you could lose a little weight." Kurt's hands trailed down the others arms, pinching at the fat on them.

"I know I could."

"And then we could be skinny together. One day anyway."

He chuckled and the pair continued to lay there, staring at each other.

"Hey Kurt?"

"What Blaine?" His eyes had closed and he was falling asleep.

"I want to be skinnier but I'm afraid what will happen. I don't want to go to therapy and I don't want to have to suffer through everyone's reaction."

"That you could die tomorrow?" He laughed. His therapist was wrong.

"No. That it's your fault. They wouldn't understand if I told them the truth. That it's all...my dads fault I'm like this."

Kurt opened his eyes. "You could get better."

"So could you."

"No. Just for a little while. Pretend that you're getting better."

"And when they're not looking go throw up in their bathroom?"

"Just for a little while. Then if I'm still alive I'll help you get skinnier."

"You're not going to die. They'll eventually force you back into the hospital. You aren't well enough to take care of yourself on your own, you'll a danger to yourself."

"Then I'll kill myself." He stated and he could see the hurt in Blaine's eyes. "I'm not going to be fat for anyone. I can't stand the extra weight on my bones. It makes me feel like a failure."

Blaine breathed as he listened.

"For a little while though." He found himself smiling. "We can pretend."


End file.
